I wished for her to capture images of me exuding strength, power, sensuality and gentleness. A dream photoshoot representing “the work” I’ve put in to become the powerful, balanced woman I am today.
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I had a mixture of emotions from excited to nervous and then of course my old friend, self-doubt, joined the party a few times making me question what I had done to deserve to have this experience.
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The more I looked at the images, those ‘flaws’ faded away and I began to see what everyone else sees. I began to be reminded of how I felt at that moment, and once I chose my favourite images to include in my album, I was in love with them all.
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I couldn’t find one thing that bothered me in any of the photos. All I felt was pure happiness and I couldn’t wait for everybody to see them.
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Preparing for the photoshoot was a mixed bag of emotions. I found myself constantly looking in the mirror, looking at myself at different angels. Worrying about the unknown... what will I look like? How can I hide my lumps and bumps of loose skin? Will there be people around?
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As someone who has only started to wear swimmers without covering up with shorts and tops, stripping down out in the open was definitely challenging for me.
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The beach has always been one place where I truly feel at home with myself. It is such a calming environment for me. I also have a love of vintage style fashion, so I combined my two loves and decided to do a pinup style beach shoot.
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I had decided ahead of time that I was all in. I’ve never been one to get naked in front of people, but for this trip, I wasn’t going to take any of my judgments and inhibitions with me. I was ready to go all in and enjoy it - and I did!
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Every few years, I love to get new professional photos of myself. I learned to love my body for its strength and resilience. Years of Yoga practice taught me that my body is so much stronger than my mind tries to tell me. Being captured on film nude, playful and wild in nature is exhilarating, liberating and powerful!
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I wanted to see myself as powerful and badass, as opposed to gentle and delicate like I am usually depicted.
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Over time I have learned to love every curve, scar, mark, and bit of cellulite and even though I am far from what society deems as beautiful, I see and appreciate my unique beauty.
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It was cool and comforting, even when naked! I felt like I could’ve slept there and finally realised how important being connected to the earth really is.
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I wanted to challenge myself to do
something outside of my comfort zone. We are all constantly held to an impossible
standard in terms of beauty, fitness and accomplishments. It leaves us wanting
to look, live and be seemingly perfect.
I had so much fun, it felt so natural but at the same time I for once in a fair while felt beautiful, like I belonged there.
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Before the boudoir shoot, I was a little nervous about how the people on the beach would react to seeing me naked on the beach with my horse.
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I've always been self-conscious about my body even when I was young, slim and toned. So how much worse is it at 50, overweight and flabby!
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Since having bub I haven't felt comfortable in my own skin, I still have a bit of the baby weight on despite trying to lose it. I love that my body created my son and I've got the stretch marks from it. I just wanted to find a new appreciation for my body.
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I'm excited to share my story in the hopes that maybe other women who have experienced a mastectomy or similar surgery could be empowered to do something like this for themselves or at the very least, see that you can still be sexy with scars or weird boobs.
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When she asked if it was time to be fully nude, I hesitated for a brief moment of shyness and then took a breath and let the last piece fall. That moment will stay with me forever I think, there was more than just a piece of material that was removed.
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The whole experience was so raw - being with my horses and really connecting with nature. It was truely an empowering experience.
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