sexy with scars and weird boobs

I'm excited to share my story in the hopes that maybe other women who have experienced a mastectomy or similar surgery could be empowered to do something like this for themselves or at the very least, see that you can still be sexy with scars or weird boobs lol

What is your story? Why did you want to do a boudoir shoot?

My name is Gemma, I am 30 years old.
In 2014 I lost my mum to a very aggressive type of breast cancer and four years later I found out I was carrying the BRCA1 gene, a gene mutation that gave me a 70% chance of developing aggressive breast cancer myself. With this knowledge in mind I underwent a preventative double mastectomy- in other words, I had my breasts and nipples removed to prevent breast cancer.
At the time of writing this in September 2020, my mastectomy is only half done.
Instead of normal breasts, I have tissue expanders- essentially harder, empty implants that are placed at the time of mastectomy then filled over time, designed to stretch the skin and muscle ready for permanent implants.
I also have no nipples, because my nipple reconstruction and tattooing will be the final step in my mastectomy journey.
I have been very, very lucky throughout my life that I have always been comfortable in my own skin; I have never hated my body or experienced a negative view of how my body looked.
As an adult I am grateful that I always felt confident in how I looked.
However, after my surgery all I see are my scars.I don’t associate the word mastectomy with the word sexy; I don’t associate my scars with sensuality. Tissue expanders are strange to look at because they are hard and unnaturally shaped and having no nipples makes me look incomplete.I acknowledge that my journey is only half done and I’m excited for the end result but right now, a boudoir photoshoot was the last thing on my mind.My amazing friend Eden sent me a post from Marina’s Instagram looking for equestrian models for a Lady Godiva inspired shoot; I have had my horse Hardy for nearly 18 years. Literally my reply was “I’d love to but my boobs are weird looking” and her response was “All the more reason to do it”. I had a think and decided I had nothing to lose by applying, I honestly thought I wouldn’t be what a photographer would look for anyway because who would want boudoir photos of someone with weird looking boobs? I assumed nothing would come from it but then Marina called me a week later and my boudoir experience began.

How did you feel before the session?

I felt good, I felt excited and surprisingly I didn’t feel nervous at all. I think the benefit of months and months of countless appointments having my breasts examined by doctors, surgeons and nurses meant that I was used to being half naked in front of strangers. After meeting Marina and seeing her work, I trusted her ability and knew that she wouldn’t ask me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with so I felt safe.

What was it like to be naked/ half naked in front of the camera?

It felt empowering, I felt sexy and strong. Having my horse with me and the familiarity of him made me feel more natural and Marina gave excellent direction.
When I had nothing on except my skin coloured G-string, out in the middle of the field it certainly felt strange at first but Marina and my friend Cindy who was there to help with the horses, didn’t recoil in horror at my scars or look away- of course they wouldn’t, those were just insecurities I had

created in my mind- it felt natural, freeing, comfortable and amazing like “why don’t I do this more often”

What have you thought when you saw your images for the first time?

I nearly cried, in fact I did tear up- I just couldn’t believe how amazing they looked, how amazing I look scars and all. In the pictures I look how I felt at the time- empowered, sexy, strong but a bit vulnerable too and all those feelings came back to me when I saw the pictures and the emotion is indescribable. I look at my scars differently now

Would you do it again?

Absolutely, 100% in a heart beat

Would you recommend a boudoir shoot to others? Why?

Yes I definitely would, especially if you have scars or insecurities or don’t feel happy in your own skin. I went from being a very secure person in my own skin to suddenly having really negative feelings about my scars and breasts after my mastectomy but after having my session with Marina I realised that I’m still sexy and my scars are just part of my journey and nothing to be ashamed of.

Do you have any tips for others about to do a boudoir shoot?

Keep an open mind and don’t be scared, you are in good hands