Pushing through the limitations

*What is your story?

I had met the love of my life, well so I thought when I was 19. Everything was rosy until I fell pregnant with my first child. From that point on, for the next 15 yrs, I spent in a very violent, physical, emotional and mentally abusive relationship. After being told for many years that I was ugly, worthless, no one would love me because I had 3 children and was too fat and unworthy of being loved, I started to believe it. I became very self-conscious and withdrawn from family, friends, community and myself. People often say “why didn’t you just leave” and “why didn’t you fight back”, believe me, it’s not that easy. Fast forward a few years, I realised after looking into the eyes of my children, that if I didn’t get my children and me out, my children would be scarred for life. I bought our tickets and 12 hours later I boarded a plane, my three babies, three suitcases, and a porter cot, in the middle of winter bound for Brisbane. I knew that if I was going to make it with my children, I had to do what I felt was right for myself and for my children. Thank God, I had family that took us in until we were able to find a place. Moving forward, within three weeks of being in Brisbane, I was able to find a beautiful three-bedroom home with a 6-foot fence, air-conditioned, hearting and carpeted, remembering I only had three suitcases and a porta cot. I bought everything winter for my children but I forgot about myself, that’s okay though I knew that things would work out. I started to watch things fall into place let me tell you the power of prayer is very real. Once the children and I had moved into the house, I found a childcare centre just around the corner from the house. I then looked for an employment agency, I knew that I had to start working soon as the house was unfurnished. Fast forward, within three weeks of all of this falling into place I had a full-time job, my three children were in childcare full time, and I was able to fully furnish our house, God is great. I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason. Moving forward we are now 18 years into being in Brisbane. My children have all graduated from high school and are now working. In 2019 however, I was diagnosed with peritoneal cancer, another blow mentally and emotionally. However this time I was equipped with the strength and knowledge and the power of prayer to know how to deal with this change in our circumstances. I can remember it clearly 22nd of February 2019 at 4:45 am I had just lost my dad. At 3:35 pm, I got my diagnosis from one of the oncologists at the RBWH telling me via voice message that I had cancer. Because this was an aggressive form of cancer doctors wanted to start chemotherapy ASAP as in tomorrow. I had my father‘s funeral to plan, as the oldest child it was my responsibility. Moving forward, they told me I couldn’t attend the funeral due to treatment. I made all the arrangements and I attended anyway. Upon my return I started chemotherapy, they then told me that I only had six months to live, so I decided that I was gonna grab the bull by its horns and I was gonna live my life as though every day was going to be my last. I am now mum to 8 children, 4 of my own and 4 foster children that I claim as my own, regardless. Treatment still continues until this day. Here we are in May 2022 and by the grace of God, I’m still living life and loving on all my children. My personal belief is that through my faith, determination, and wanting better for myself and my children here we are today as strong as ever. This is my story.

**Why did you want to do a boudoir shoot?

For me, doing the boudoir shoot was my way of challenging myself. It made me push through the limitations I’ve set upon myself because of the way my body has changed over the years due to illness and circumstances.

**What was the location of your shoot and why did you choose it?

My shoot took place in two very different locations. The first location was in the studio. This gave me the permission to break down the preconceived notions of myself and allowed me to become comfortable with what I had always told myself I wasn’t worthy of wearing or being seen in ( naked and in lingerie). It also gave me the opportunity to become familiar with the camera, and also to test my limits in terms of positioning and direction. My second location was Red Beach. After smashing my fears and self-doubts in the comfort of the studio, I was able to step out onto the beach, without any more limitations. The shoot was done wearing only a cloth, and robe. Yes, I was naked on a public beach, with people around, living my best life and enjoying every moment of the shoot.

**How did you feel preparing for the session?

Whilst preparing for the shoot I was ANXIOUS, FEARFUL, UNCERTAIN, INSECURE and SCARED.

**What was it like to be naked/ half-naked in front of the camera?

To be naked/semi-naked in front of the camera for me was the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Now my imperfections were on show for the world to see. Now the scars of my past and the remainder of my current situation will be seen by everyone else other than myself. Am I even worthy of doing this shoot given how my body looks?

**How did you feel after the session? What have you thought when you saw your images for the first time?

EMPOWERED, BEAUTIFUL, WORTHY, ENTITLED. I felt as though I had climbed the highest mountain in the world and now nothing will ever stop me again. I smiled and giggled, and my heart raced, I was in disbelief that someone so imperfect as myself could look so amazingly beautiful.

**Would you do it again?

Without a shadow of a doubt. I would definitely take part in what was for me a very liberating and empowering session.

**Would you recommend a boudoir shoot to other women/men and why?

I would definitely recommend others take part in any photoshoot, to be honest. I can hand on heart say that you will see yourself in a totally different light.

**Do you have any tips for women/men who are planning to do a boudoir shoot?

Don’t overthink the shoot. Don’t limit yourself to something just because you don’t think it would work. If possible take someone with you that is going to encourage you and enjoy the process with you. Listen to the photographer, her direction, suggestions and ideas may seem a little out there and uncomfortable for you at first, but the end result will bring tears to your eyes in a very positive way. Enjoy every moment. Allow yourself to be transformed.