Celebrating my 40th birthday

“I waited ten years for this opportunity!”

“When I turn 30” was what I’d told myself. I had always wanted to do a boudoir shoot and that –

30 – was supposedly the magic number for when it would happen.

However, thirty came and I was still holding onto the insecurities of my youth. “I’ll do it when I am

fitter…”, “I want to lose those last few kilos first…”

I waited ten years for this opportunity!

I am not at my fittest and I am carrying more weight now than I ever have, but I’ve reached this

point in my life where I am in awe of my body and the things it can do.

My body and I have had a rocky relationship. I’ve not always treated it kindly, despite all the things

it has supported me through. I seemingly always fail to see the beauty in myself that others say

they see in me because I am too wrapped up in my size. My battle is as much a mental one as it is

a physical one.

I realised that to change myself, I needed to change my mindset, and what better opportunity than

my fortieth birthday. I’d signed up for the Every Body is a Beach Body challenge and then I saw

Marina had an opportunity for Brand Ambassadors. I thought, ‘Why not?!’

Right from our first meeting I felt a connection with Marina as a photographer. I appreciated the

way she spoke to me as a woman; her tone free of judgement, encouraging. Initially, I had a loose

idea of what my boudoir shoot would look like. I feel at peace when I am in nature and the images

Marina had with other women in that setting resonated with me.

However, those closer we got to the session the less ‘like me’ the shoot felt. Marina worked with

me throughout (and we went back and forth on ideas a lot). I am an editor and I love words, so I

wanted to incorporate that somehow into my shoot. We realised that perhaps shooting in nature

wasn’t the best place for this to happen.

The timing of the photoshoot coincided with a family holiday. I had a newborn and it was

important for me to be able to do the shoot but still be close by should my baby need feeding.

Marina was incredibly understanding and accommodating of this. I’d booked a house in the Gold

Coast Hinterland and coincidentally the location provided a stunning backdrop for my photoshoot.

With my props at the ready, Marina arrived and we took some time to talk about the shoot – the

clothes, the lighting, the various poses, how Marina worked as a photographer. I cannot express

enough how positive this process was. While I was not shy about taking my clothes off, I had never

done anything like a boudoir shoot before and I had never considered myself as a sensual or

sexual person.

There was something reassuring about Marina’s exclamations of excitement throughout the shoot.

Without revealing too much about the images (I think I saw one image from the entire day) I

walked away feeling incredibly happy and empowered. ‘Empowered’ is a word that gets used a lot

to describe how women feel after spending an afternoon with Marina doing a boudoir shoot and

now I understand why. I stopped thinking about my flaws and played up to the attention of that

clicking lens; I had a confidence I’d long ago lost.

Naturally, when Marina and I caught up post-shoot for the Big Reveal I was nervous. I had to push

aside those negative thoughts about my self-image and remind myself that this year is all about

embracing challenges.

There is no denying that seeing myself in various stages of undress was confronting, but despite

the flaws I saw in myself, I could also see the beauty that had been captured. There was genuine

happiness on my face. Marina’s images showed a softness about me, they captured my

determination, I saw reflections of other family members in my expressions. It was revealing and

captivating in so many ways. I was true to myself and I feel that truth has been captured in

Marina’s photos.

When I’ve spoken to friends and family about the experience, I have only good things to say. I am

already thinking about my next shoot with Marina.