Boudoir in Adelaide
From collecting Marina at the airport to arriving at our photo shoot location, I had a feeling I
was going to be in safe hands.
Once Marina found out where we were and where the shoot was going to take place, I
could see her creative juices flowing. Marina knew without doubt how she would depict me
in her mind.
Watching Marina at work was like watching a 5-star chef in the kitchen, selecting spices,
blending flavours to add to her creation, I was the final ingredient. Her excitement was
infectious but also considerate, nothing was done without my permission or enthusiasm.
We broke rules, we started naked – something I never would have even considered in my
wildest dreams or for some their nightmares, but that was how comfortable I was with her.
Marina handled me like a delicate flower, unfolding petals of self-esteem until finally, I
became her muse for the day. Marina also played with my hair, it replicated the 1920s
femme fatal, I was nervous at first but realised how much it assisted with my confidence. It
was like having a mask for a day, Marina was the fairy godmother and I was all too willing
to be part of the story.
My story prior to the boudoir shoot
I was diagnosed with PTSD last year and since then I have had to face some
unfathomable truths about myself that I have effectively shoved under a very intricate, 30
something-year-old Persian rug.
Since August last year, I have self-sabotaged many things in my life I held so dearly, I lost
my job, I lost my identity, I lost my worth and I also lost at the time, my soul mate.
Everything began to spiral out of control because I couldn’t hide what was happening
anymore. I started to question everything my values, my morals, my appearance my
intelligence so, yes, I got fucking existential, but wouldn’t you?
I wanted to be fixed, I wanted to be repaired, so I could be better for the people around
me and all this needed to be done yesterday…..
Oh boy, wasn’t that a big miss on my behalf!
This was clearly, not the case, and for anyone who understands PTSD, nothing is an
overnight process. In fact, it is probably going to take me a lifetime to reprogram the years
of conditioning I have been accustomed to. It is only from this year that these truths have
begun to take shape.
But my god, through all of this my body has stood the test of bloody time, I dropped 6kgs
in less time it would take you to read this paragraph. This is approximately 15.8% of my
body weight, I weighed a whopping 42kg at the start of this year. I couldn’t eat, not only
had I nailed my jaw shut I also shut down mentally.
However, when your body is strong so too is your mind. Regardless of what happened to
me in my past, I refuse to let my body define who I am. I was picked on in kindy for looking
like an alien, I was called a lollypop, poo brown, anorexic, skeleton, that progressed into
adolescence into more racist slurs and then the obvious - my height and stature. All of this
still didn’t stop being taken advantage of. But it did start the fire inside me, to become who
I am.
I am a woman, I am emotional, sensitive and vulnerable, but Jesus I have a brain and a
heart of gold encased in what I have called my dahlia. Not long after the shoot Marina
arranged my photos into a beautiful moving collage, the story captivated me, inspired me
and also broke me. I finally connected to the woman I was, I was able to hold my inner
child and tell her that she was loved from the inside.
This was what Marina captured, my life and story. This boudoir shoot was life-altering and
I only hope more women can experience this truly powerful and impactful experience.
