I felt at home

What is your story?

I changed schools a few times in my earlier years of life, and I learnt that feeling of being an outcast early on! You don't belong. I made some good friends along the way but always struggled with feeling comfortable in my skin. Always a little chubbier than the rest, a face I didn't feel was beautiful; I feared I would be alone, unwanted because I didn't fit in!

I think this negative thought pattern started to strengthen when a boy asked me out in grade 7, it felt nice to be wanted for that brief moment in time, but it quickly turned into a moment that will forever haunt my mind. With excitement, I said yes! Only to see a face of deceit staring back at me, laughing, pointing, shouting to the world! It was a joke; all the boys were in on it! "Go on; I dare you to ask her out."

Fooled I was and shattered that it was all pretending. I was a joke, unwanted and unworthy.

I wish I could go back in time and hug her and tell her it will all be ok, you are enough and worth more than any of those foolish boys, but I can't; she has to learn this for herself through years of self-torture, broken hearts and nights spent wondering what is wrong with her.

Seeing the light and being courageous, reaching out to a woman I barely knew changed my life. I met Jesse, a life model and regular coffee customer, at a cafe I worked at on the Gold Coast. She opened up my world; she saw beauty and worth in me that I could not see. We shared our stories of heartache and happiness. I saw a strength in her that I craved. She was a warrior, empowered by her body and free.

But the thing is, she was just the same as me. Through our honest sharing of our lives and experiences, we unravel and see that so many of us share this story. The journey to self-love takes us to the pits of hell so that we can build ourselves back up, empowered by the goddess of women around us.

I stepped out of my comfort zone and said yes to Jess's offer to model nude for a magazine and a life drawing group; I was usually the artist, but it would be nice to experience the other side of the easel.

Being photographed with a beautiful woman around me, encouraging and commenting on my beauty, made me feel accepted. Seeing myself through the eyes of an artist made me see that my body was art, just like so many I had drawn before. If I could see the beauty and art in all the diversity of human form when I put my pencil to paper, then surely I could see my beauty, my worth and my self-love.

And I do; it's not always an easy place to be, and some days it takes work and a lot of self-forgiveness. I have places I go to and things I do that help me connect back to my body. It is so worthy and so enough; it will be with me until the end of this life, and I love her, and I forgive myself for the pain I have endured.

My life is full of all the seasons. Each rotation around the sun unravels more and more, each time revealing a little bit more of myself. I have the power now and give myself the freedom to be!

Why did you want to do a boudoir shoot?

It's so common in society for a woman to compete with one another; we constantly compare ourselves and disempower each other. Women need to see each other's worth; it's empowering. To lift another woman up is to lift up yourself. I want to share my journey and remind myself of the beauty and art of my body and other women's bodies. I feel the more we connect and share, the healthier we become. This is a big reason for becoming a brand ambassador; I want to be in a world where self-love is the norm.

What was the location of your shoot, and why did you choose it?

I grew up in the bush, connected to the spirit of the land. My first few written songs fought for the protection of mother earth.

When I first saw the mother Fig tree on my partner's property, I felt a surge of energy. I felt at home. Once again, connected to the spirit of the land. I am a warrior for mother earth; it is my source of power; that is why I wanted to be photographed under the mother Fig tree, amongst the rainforest and creek lines, the life force that feeds the valley below, feeds me as well.

How did you feel preparing for the session?

I was very excited about my shoot. My mother and sister would be there for it. My mum and I walked through the forrest, collecting greenery for a beautiful earth warrior headpiece that she would later make for me. We laughed and spoke about life. She has always been my rock, lifted me up, so proud she is of me that we often find ourselves in tears of happiness. I love her like no other, and I was so grateful to have her at my shoot. My headdress sits proudly in the garden, adding its magic to the life that grows there.

What was it like to be naked/ half-naked in front of the camera?

It always requires a moment of bravery to step out of the shadows and into the light. When you have been hurt before, it is easy to stay hidden, but when you let that light shine again, you start to forget why it is so scary to be raw in front of the world. That is the moment I love, and it's more than just being physically nude; it's stripping off everything and having the freedom to explore and capture your truth. Taking my clothes off takes the mask off.

How did you feel after the session?

I felt like a goddess, empowered by the environment and the beautiful woman around me.

Marina's direction and excitement about the moments captured made me feel nurtured and supported. The energy exchange was perfect. I was definitely in a Zen state similar to that after a creative session.

What have you thought when you saw your images for the first time?

Seeing my pictures for the first time was beautiful. Marina makes works of art, and I could see that in my photographs. There were some confronting images where my negative thought patterns wanted to take over, but then I would remember how I felt at that moment, being photographed.

I loved my images, and I struggled to narrow the collection down. I am so beautiful with all my lines, curves and folds. I kept thinking how lovely they would be to draw. I think that mindset helps me see the art of not just my body but everybody's human form.

Would you do it again?

I would definitely do it again.

Would you recommend a boudoir shoot to other women/men, and why?

I would recommend this to other people. It's a chance for the spotlight to be on you, to embrace your body and permit yourself to be a model for your own magazine.

Do you have any tips for women/men planning to do a boudoir shoot?

I feel everyone's boudoir shoot is different. Having my mum around gave me the confidence to step into the nude spotlight. It also gave me the bravery to walk around the Forrest and immerse myself in the creek waters. Having people who lift you up be part of your experience helped me with the nerves and made the lead-up to the shoot a relaxing journey. I was able to bounce ideas off my mum and sister, and they helped get some props ready for me.

Remember to enjoy the experience. A boudoir shoot is more than just the photos; they are the memories of how you felt and why you wanted to do the photoshoot in the first place.