Exploration of self-love

2021 is my year of exploring what self-love is and deepening my relationship with myself through the exploration of self-love.

Not long after making this commitment to myself, I stumbled across Marina’s work and instantly resonated with her values and ideals. Pure acceptance of the human form in all its unique incarnations. No filters. No touch-ups. Just pure, raw expression of each model.

I knew then that this was the perfect way for me to explore self-love of my physical form. And I knew that this was going to be really challenging for me. As someone who has a superpower in avoiding having my photo taken, could I be someone who could love my body so much that I could stand in front of a camera totally naked?

There were about 6 months between me making a decision to have a shoot and the actual shoot. During this time I found myself doing all sorts of things to feel better about my body. I tried, at various times, to lose weight. I googled “flattering poses for plus size women”. I wrote affirmations of body self-love on my bathroom mirror.

Each time I caught myself in one of these loops I brought myself back to a simple definition of self-love I had learnt along the way:

ACCEPTANCE + COMPASSION = SELF LOVE

I could see all the ways I was still rejecting my body exactly how it was at that moment. The invitation to myself was to then find ways to foster acceptance and compassion. So I began to find ways to enjoy my body. I danced. I hiked. I spent time in the sun. I started to really listen to what my body wanted to be nourished with.

One other thing I did was follow all of Marina’s work. I spent time seeing and acknowledging all of the beauty in each image and hearing the stories of each of these amazing humans. Being able to identify, resonate and see me in others I found my own acceptance and compassion for myself slowly soften and deepen.

The day had finally arrived for my pre-shoot meeting with Marina. It was amazing to meet her and talk through the whole process. Being a seasoned professional, she knows what is going on for the person sitting across from her. Marina managed my expectations, allayed my fears and held a beautiful space to discover and create in. We spoke about the location and theme with a buzz of excitement and growing anticipation inside of me. I wasn’t particularly invested in any particular location. What I found was that I wanted to become an element of Marina’s art. I had asked her if there was anywhere that she really wanted to do a shoot that she wasn’t able to yet. She excitedly said there was an endangered paperbark forest she had been waiting to use. I instantly said yes. And, as it happened, it would be the perfect setting for the dark and mysterious, with a dash of sacred, witchy, goddess theme.

Fast forward a few weeks later and the day of the shoot arrives. I greeted the day feeling comfortable and confident. Just a whisper of nerves to be felt. I knew that Marina was an expert and all I had to do was trust in the process and follow her lead. I was just along for the ride. All I had to do was relax and be moulded by her direction.

I’ve never been directed in front of a camera before so it was all new to me. We did have one wobbly moment early on when Marina could sense that I was not quite “in it”. She gently checked in with me and held the inner little girl part of me that felt like I was getting it wrong and was not good enough. Once she assured me that I was doing great I was able to shake it off and relax further into the moment.

By the end of the shoot, I was walking around the forest completely naked and not a bit self-conscious at all. I caught myself in that moment of total self-acceptance and relished the feeling.

That evening and the following day I felt on a high. I was the person that could stand in front of the camera naked. Not only that - I felt a level of acceptance and compassion for myself I have never felt before. I was loving myself!

My viewing a week or so later was a little bit of a rollercoaster. Mostly because I was already feeling vulnerable due to a recent covid lockdown and other personal goings-on. This just heightened my vulnerability on really wanting to love what I was about to see.

What I saw, for the most part, because there were a few ouchy ones, was a succession of images capturing my own sovereignty, acceptance, beauty and raw femininity. I was in awe and overwhelmed by my own courage, vulnerability and level of self-love. Through all of this Marina held a beautiful space for me to process through all of the feelings that were coming. It was healing at a cellular level.

My experience working with Marina was one of healing, transformation and empowerment that I wish everybody could experience. It’s also one that I want to repeat. It feels like a wonderful marker in time. A reminder of a time in my life to celebrate. To look back on with recognition and celebration for the person I was and who I am to become.

Without hesitation, I would recommend a boudoir photoshoot with Marina. It is a wonderful gift to give yourself. Lean into it and uplevel your ability to love yourself, you’re worth it xx - Elissa