Beauty In Your Scars
Scars, we all have them. Some are more visible than others, some are invisible. Some are in places we can hide and others are on full show all of the time. We have all experienced pain, hurt, shame, or insecurity around scars. They are a reminder of our history, they are a reminder of our strength/resilience, they are a lesson we have learned, they are a reminder of how amazing the human body is. Some days we can forget about them, some days they don’t bother us and some days even the ones invisible to the eye are a soul-crushing reminder of something we would rather forget. Scars are a beautiful reminder of the fact that we are all human and as Christopher Robin said, “You're braver than you believe and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
Kintsugi the Japanese art of fixing broken pottery with gold or silver lacquer. This flaw is a unique part of the history of the object which adds to its beauty. This is the philosophy on which Kintsugi Sex Counselling & Education was created. It is not counselling as you know it, it is more of consultation with the goal to improve your sexual function and help you redefine pleasure, intimacy and connection post diagnosis and treatment.
Here are four lessons we can all learn the philosophy behind the Kintsugi art form.
1. Self-acceptance.
We are bombarded with perfectionism in media, social media, across the internet and even in our social circles. The reality of being human is rarely seen in this day and age when it is it is rarely celebrated or considered beautiful. No wonder we struggle with self-acceptance in a reality where we can only change so much about ourselves and our story. What we forget is that our life, our story our highs and our lows are all a part of being human. The imperfection in life and in our bodies moulds us, our scars are beauty, strength and an innate part of who we are. Self-acceptance around that allows us to focus our energy on moving forward, embracing imperfection.
2. More than skin deep.
Beauty is more than skin deep and is an ever-changing standard through history. It is going to change more than twice in your lifetime and honey I can tell you no one woman, no one person can fit all of them. The beauty found in Kintsugi artworks is based on the inherent value placed in the object and history. The repaired breaks using precious metals become apart of this beauty, value, and history which is more than skin deep. Your scars are a small part of your beauty, history, your strength, your absolute amazingness because let's face it, you had to go through an awful lot to get those scars. If that is not amazing, beauty and strength I have totally missed the point of life.
So why do we hate our bodies and our scars so much? Your body gets you through every day, it has overcome illness, accidents, and trauma, it has healed and has kept you going. Who cares if it all of that has left evidence of what you have survived, the point is you have survived.
1. Not all standards of beauty are achievable.
Even less so when you have been through some health challenges. It is not uncommon for women that have had surgery that goes through the abdominal/pelvic region do not like tight clothing pressing on there abdomen. It is not that it hurts as such but due to sensitisation following extended periods of pain that kind of pressure is unpleasant. It may not be possible for a woman living with lupus to have luscious long locks because the disease and the medications used to treat it mean hair falls out. A woman that has been through breast cancer surgery is not likely to be comfortable in a playboy lingerie set like what an Instagram influencer might be seen in and with damn good reason. She can still look and feel amazing in something from www.redfernlingerie.com.auor www.anon.com.auand she will still look absolutely stunning naked.
Beauty industries are designed to make us feel good about ourselves, they may say they are but they feed on insecurities. Unfortunately, these industries can make you feel bad about your face or your body – remember they can’t make you feel bad about your passion, they can’t take away your beauty, your gorgeous soul or your humbling humanity and vulnerability. The good news is you get to choose what is more important to you, do you choose to focus on imperfections as broken pieces or the resilience and beauty in your imperfections, in your scars - as in the stunning beauty in a Kintsugi piece.
2. One life & One body.
You have one life to live, many of us live it thinking we can control it. That is until we get sick, injured or go through some kind of trauma and it becomes very obvious that control is an illusion and the reality is we are beautiful, imperfect humans. So whatever that life brings we have one chance, one shot to make the one we’ve got the absolute best. There is no better time to do things than now.
In Kintsugi the piece represents one life. It was created flawless and beautiful. Life happened and it was broken. It is not lost, not broken, not ugly, unworthy or lost to us. Instead, it is repaired or healed and is even more beautiful with the repairs, the ‘scars’ become apart of its inherent beauty and worth. Think your one life, your one body, the health challenge that created your scars, the strength in overcoming that and the beauty in your life, your personality and yes even in your scars.
3. “You don’t have to change a thing, the world can change its heart”
The reality of life is that no matter what you do in life, someone is going to say it’s wrong or not good enough. Not everyone will see the beauty in what you see. Some people will see the beauty in your scars and but some people will not. If you believe it and it means something to you, it brings pleasure to your life and is not hurting anyone else then stick with it, believe in you, know your worth, accomplish your goals and be proud of who you are. Too often we allow others to dictate the beauty we see in the world and in ourselves. Even more so when living with a chronic condition or pain leaves us feeling lost. Even those that care about us the most will squash an idea or belief (without any malice at all) because they believe it is what is best for us. They want to protect us when it may be that they are stopping us from redefining beauty, pleasure, connection, and intimacy in our lives post-diagnosis, treatment, and scars. Rather than sweeping your scars to the back of your mind and hiding as we might if we break a bowl or glass, embrace them and use all the pain, and the healing that created them to create your new beauty, redefine your pleasure, your intimacy and your connection in life moving forward. You don’t need to change, the world does.
About author: Jodie Dunne, is a sexologist (counsellor, coach and educator) that specialises in sex counselling and education in rehabilitation, her mission is to empower clients living with health challenges to improve health literacy and sexual quality of life. Jodie uses client - centred, sex positive and educational approaches to address sexual function concerns. Jodie helps people find Peace, redefine Pleasure & rediscover Play, intimacy and connection in life with a chronic condition.
Jodie has been a health advocate for chronic conditions for more than 5 years and has worked in rehabilitation and training over the last 20 years. Jodie is a volunteer with QENDO - The Endometriosis Association (Qld) Inc, The Lupus Foundation (Australia) and local Breast Cancer Survivor groups.
Jodie has a Bachelor of Health Science and post graduate qualifications in Psychology, Human Resources, and Sexology.
Kinstugi Sex Counselling and Education offers classes and workshops for individuals and couples seeking sexual enrichment in recovery, as well as educational programs to provide health care providers with tools to support the sexual challenges their clients face.
If you would like to connect with Jodie, you can find her here:
www.instagram.com/kintsugisce/
hello@kintsugisce.com